You might well have heard of ghosting when it comes to dating. You're getting on famously, might have even had a date. There's chat, there's a connection in the air. This could be... something.
Then - silence. They disappear. You know they're still alive, thanks to their Instagram, Twitter or Tik Tok, and you can see their 'last seen' time on What's App. They're lurking, in the shadows - like a ghost. This can happen all too often in our work lives, too.
It happens so much in the media - from editors going quiet on you to a client not returning your emails. Even with pitching, it can happen: An editor might reply and show an interest, then disappear as if they’re nothing but, well, a ghost.
For staff media professionals, ghosting can come in the form of being ignored after a job interview, or not hearing back from a contact you were speaking to about a new project, be that an article or a social media campaign.
Ghosting when you work in the media adds to what can already be a stressful career, so how can you deal with it, move forward and get on with your work without allowing the ghosts to haunt you?
Is it ghosting, or being ignored?
It’s worth considering whether you are being ghosted, or whether you’ve simply not had a reply to your email. Remember, you are likely to have not replied to every email or message you’ve been sent, too.
Ghosting is when you already have correspondence with someone, there’s a relationship of sorts, even on email. There is a grey area in the middle - when someone has done a shout out for either freelancers, writers, or people to put themselves forward for a project. If you email and get no reply, is that ghosting? Arguably not, as there is no conversation begun - it’s a bit like you’ve posted off a letter to them. However, there is also the argument that, because they did a shout out, they are obliged to reply and they are ghosting you if they don’t reply.
When ghosting leaves you feeling like you’ve done something wrong…
Ghosting gets in the way of our day to day work - it stays on our mind and takes up our time. It’s not helpful when you’re trying to either run your media business, operate as a freelancer, or work in a contract or staff job. Being ghosted affects our feelings and mental health - it can leave us wondering what we did wrong, and whether our work was or is good enough. That’s challenging when you also work in the media, which is an industry with many other challenges. It can take a lot of ‘oomph’ to send pitches, for example, and to be ignored after someone says they’re interested is demoralising and deflating.
If you're waiting for someone to come back to you about a fixed-term contract, for example, you might not put yourself forward for other contracts, or book in work with other clients. Waiting on a pitch that's in limbo means the pitch can't go elsewhere. It puts you, and your work, in a waiting room of sorts. You can also worry that pushing back when someone ghosts you - or they get in touch after a period of ghosting - could damage your reputation, your sales or your business plans.
In ‘staff jobs’ it can be anything from waiting for a contact to come back to you with a date for a meeting, through to your boss going quiet on you after you make a request for some new software, support or equipment.
If you feel like you’ve done something wrong because someone is ghosting you, try and think logically. Remind yourself that it’s on them - they’re the one that has gone quiet. And try to focus on other work - be that new pitches, or posting to your socials, for example. You can also come and share your woes in The Freelance Media Network - we’re here for all your ups and downs!
When you’ve been ghosted after a job interview
When it’s ghosting after a job interview, this can also be tied in with feelings of rejection.
There are obvious ways, as with dating, that we can react to professional ghosting. We can bother them until they reply, or we can hunt them down, so to speak, on other channels. Not replying to email? Send an insta DM! Not showing up there? Why not find them on LinkedIn…?
We can spend - no, waste - time moaning and ruminating over why they might not have replied or what's made them go silent. Perhaps there's a difficult situation at work? Perhaps they've been ill.... perhaps, sadly, they're ghosting you. If the 'Oh, they might be super busy' feeling comes to mind, which it often does for me, remind yourself that they a) weren't too busy for that initial call and b) YOU could also be busy elsewhere!
What to do if an editor is ghosting you
When an Editor suddenly goes quiet it is hugely frustrating. For many, the question that then arises is whether to take a pitch elsewhere. Following up before you do puts you in the ‘good manners’ space: An email to say: “I’m following up as I’d like to send this elsewhere if it’s not for you” often gets a response. Or, if you still don’t hear, you can send it around knowing you did your best to follow up.
If you’re in a conversation with an editor about an idea and then they go silent, it can be a case of being patient. They may be distracted by all manner of things. Chasing endlessly isn’t fun for either of you - but you are within your rights to ask what’s going on. Be firm, saying that you would appreciate an update (you can also say that case studies are keen to know). You could say something such as: “Please update me on this piece, it has been XX weeks since commission”. It feels quite full-on but you’re allowed to ask what’s going on!
Should you message a senior editor? Only if it’s really essential. That’s a bit like telling ‘mum’.
Being ghosted on a pitch? Be prepared to take it elsewhere - it can feel liberating!
Yes, that’s the final thing! If you’ve sent a pitch and a follow up and had no reply, take your brilliant idea to a new editor! If it’s a response to their call out, and you came up with a good idea, why not pitch that around, too?
If they do come back to you, you can then politely say ‘sorry I took this elsewhere’ - this is your business, after all.
